Broad Breast-front

My friend M showed me her haiku on being dazzled by a mirror:
sunlight blinds the sight
flash off a polished surface
golden circles float

Trained by writing workshops to seek the specific
as a sign of the real and of truth-telling,
I asked her why she wrote sight, instead of eyes,
and polished surface, instead of mirror.

She said the eyes can see the mirror, or hubcap, or broad breast-front,
only past the flash
dazzled by the sun the eyes
fail to see to see


Plan for this poem-in-progress

Comments

James said…
This is clever. Everything from using what you suggest to change in the last stanza, to making your friend Mr. unnamed 'M'.

You've got a quite distinctive voice, Jee. Enjoying your poems.
8:21 AM
Jee Leong said…
Thanks, James. I enjoy browsing your blog too. Learned what a sonnenizio is.
7:39 PM
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