These are My Hands and Feet

I could not count to ten till I turned eleven.
The chicks were softer than the straw in the set.
One, two, buckle my shoe, nine and a big fat hen.

They scratched the grass beside the shops for men.
They were the best present a boy could get.
I could not count to ten till I turned eleven.

Mother called out from above. That was when
I stepped back to answer her, stepped on my pet.
One, two, buckle my shoe, nine and a big fat hen.

The grass turned black. Its head was not broken.
Father could fix things but he was not home yet.
I could not count to ten till I turned eleven.

The Shopgirl cried out, Poke it back in! The mitten
with one loose strand was moving. It felt wet.
One, two, buckle my shoe, nine and a big fat hen.

My hands did what the woman said. Even then,
I could not save it. But I could not forget.
I could not count to ten till I turned eleven.
One, two, buckle my shoe, nine and a big fat hen.

Comments

Blythe said…
Hi Jee,

You sure have been writing. I like this one. Good premise, and solid execution as usual.

A few lines are a bit clunky: "One, two, buckle my shoe, nine and a big fat hen." The Shopgirl pops a bit out of nowhere.

Are you enjoying the blogging life?
ren said…
Hi Jee,

From the Apprentice thread, isn't it? I remember enjoying this--I really like the repetitions of "I could not count to ten till I turned eleven" and "One two, buckle my shoe, nine and a big fat hen" are nice, even though I keep wanting it to be "until" (even though it screws up the meter). Is this all a part of a chapbook? If so, when's it coming out? (Are you still working with bates?)

Best of luck with everything,
Ren
crazyred121 said…
The word "poke" in stanza 5 was purposely used to show the woman's funny accent when speaking English or did it serve other purpose ?

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