Kindnesses

Girls are so kind.
They leave me notes
that speak their mind
on naughty poets.

Women, too kind,
quite pity me
and fear to find
my sympathy.

Men are unkind.
They do not mean
to be, but grind
my cock to keen.

You are not kind.
You are my love.
You are not kind.
You are my love.

Comments

Anonymous said…
This critique is perhaps more about audience than content: The poem comes off as a cheap shot, actually.

So this poem CLEARLY has a specific audience. Who are the girls? Who are the Women? Who are the Men? Who is You?

Frankly, You is the subject of half of this poem (albeit indirectly in stanza 3, but it's obvious, because You is not kind). The poem loses its focus on kindnesses and seems more about You.

Having been "You" before, I hope that your You is okay with dirty laundry being aired here. If not, then you suck. :-)

In the meantime, the rest of us are not the audience... I feel like an innocent bystander who just witnessed a hit. And I feel like I needed to do something about that.
3:17 PM
Anonymous said…
I don't share any of anonymous's views, above.

And, I have a question for the author voice/poet:
Could you ("you" author voice and/or "you" Jee Leong) love an androgynous person?
6:41 PM
Larry said…
Anonymous needs to lighten up - whatever is at stake, it is not worth the loss of composure.

I like this until S4 - I just don't see that ending growing out of the first 3 strophs.

It's a great style, though, to do things with - a light, humorous jingle with a hint of seriousness. I don't think it can sustain a severe twist into the ernest, the desperate, the pathetic.
3:02 PM
Anonymous said…
Guys, please. This is a blog, not a poetry forum, regardless of the fact that we presumably come here for poetry. This poem has a blatant agenda, and it continues, on a later reading, to strike me as a "Hey, if you're reading my blog, this is for you" poem.

You can throw "composure" comments at me, but I feel like Agenda is as open to critique as poetry itself, perhaps more, if Agenda motivates the poem to begin with.

That said, I emphatically agree about functionality of the style, both pluses and minuses... it's a well-chosen mode for this poem, too.

Curious to hear more from the poet on this one. Lots of things to discuss about this poem!
5:15 PM
Anonymous said…
I can so relate to this. How lovely.

Stanza four has to be my favourite stanza.
11:26 AM
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