“There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life."
You come out of the shower, warm and wet,
and towel your head with rough deliberation.
Those wide shoulders, untouched by a plough,
you wear like a smile, and the world is new.
I know I should have sacrificed you to God,
I should have raised the knife despite its stone,
and saved its bullion in your bull-cow heart,
I should have turned from fucking with a beast.
Instead I let you lash my legs to you,
haul me through contracting caves, and grind
into the ground the altar of my lust;
yet, stubborn, round and gold, the violence rises
from the deeps, the pressure lessening,
as if a treasure is dragged from the sea.