Why I Am Half in Love with Jolovan Wham

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Because like most Singaporeans l have been inducted into the cult of personality. I have been indoctrinated, I mean taught, from young the history of Great Men, so I petition Parliament to preserve the shrine of Jolovan's HDB apartment, even if it's against his wishes, after he joins our Lord.

Because he is super tech savvy, as a Singaporean should be. The cops confirm it after they arrested him for holding an indoor Skype meeting with a democracy activist from Hong Kong, another tech-savvy city. The courts confirm it by convicting him of public disorder and sentencing him to 16 days in prison. See how powerful techies are!

Because every national day I am brainwashed by songs on radio, TV, and in shopping malls telling me charity begins and stays at home, and Jolovan Wham is a labor activist belonging to HOME.

Because I won't give up my Chinese privilege and two Chinese men make more privilege than one, and if you criticize my privilege, I will report you to the police for “an offence of promoting enmity between different groups on grounds of religion or race” under Section 298A of the Penal Code.

Because of Jolovan's boyish good looks. I will look more butch beside him.

Because he went to our highly-ranked local university, which is the best in the world, although we still send our government scholars overseas and, when they return, put them on the fast track in the civil service, where they perpetuate themselves. It's called meritocracy, people!

I am half in love with Jolovan Wham. Why am I only half in love? Because the other half of my love is for Thum Ping Tjin, who is not only smart and funny, but has also conquered the English Channel. The sea, lah, not TV.

Jee Leong Koh
February 28, 2019

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