Monday, November 06, 2006

For More

Don't ask me more than I can give.
Don't ask for more, for more
I cannot give. So let us live
and promise no more.

Don't ask me for my heart my heart
has eaten to the core.
Don't ask me for the teeth-marked part.
Don't ask me any more.

Don't ask me for a steady arm
for rowing to the shore.
A broken oar will do more harm
than settling for no more.

Don't ask me for my voice my voice
echoes in encore,
until it's hard to tell my voice
from yours asking for more.

6 comments:

Rob Mackenzie said...

I enjoyed this, Jee.

I suppose S3 doesn't quite follow the repetitive pattern of the other stanzas - not to the same extent. Would changing "a steady arm" to "an arm an arm" or "my arm my arm" work? Maybe a small change might be needed in the next line too to keep the syntactical pattern ?

Or perhaps the break from the pattern is deliberate and the light will soon dawn on me...

It's good anyway.

Jee Leong Koh said...

Thanks, Rob, for the comment. The break in pattern is deliberate: both for meaning, and for variation. Thanks for looking in!

Jee Leong

Rob Mackenzie said...

Actually, thinking about it, you're right. The variation probably helps.

Jee Leong Koh said...

Thanks, Rob, for coming back to this.

Jee Leong

Anonymous said...

a nice poem.

Jee Leong Koh said...

Thanks, Anon.

Jee Leong